Life Patterns and How to Let Go

Recently on facebook I wrote a profile status that attracted quite a lot of attention which was:

Getting rid of opinions, judgements and critical thoughts is like getting old and sticky chewing gum off your clothes. Sometimes you need see a good dry cleaner who can help you vaporise the gum off. When choosing a drycleaner, make sure you choose one with excellent 'vaporising' tools ♥ :)

A few friends have asked me to write a blogpost about this explaining it further so here goes.

Have you ever experienced an old life pattern popping up in your life time and time again, yet not being quite ready to change it? Would changing it be a little uncomfortable?

Recently a request came from one family member that I felt strong resistance to. I felt it in the pit of my stomach. A big knot. I totally disagreed with what was requested on many levels, and I struggled for a couple of days about how to respond. I also wondered:

How would the others respond?

Would they be honest in their responses?

What if I ended up being the only one to voice disagreement? Was I willing to be the lone dissenter?

The irony (and perfection) of the request, was that it came just a few hours after I was a guest at a seminar talking about empowerment. At the seminar, I talked about how important it is to pay attention to what your body is telling you. Our bodies often know the answers to questions before we do.

The details are really not important. What I want to share are the voices and choices… and questions I’m asking myself. Am I choosing to stand strong in my truth, or am I relinquishing my voice to others in the form of how I “should” respond?

Stakes are high when choices affecting family relationships are called into view. Changing family patterns can be difficult and painful. Even un-supportive patterns are like an old friend – and letting go of them taps into loss. Over the years I’ve changed many old patterns, and some deep rooted ones have hung on as if for dear life.

Throughout my life, many of the decisions I’ve made that have affected others have been made to keep the peace – at the expense of what was true for me. At least I thought I could get their approval.

What would it be like to let go of wanting approval from others?

Would approving of myself, and being in integrity with myself be enough?

Within a couple of days, it was clear to me that I was, in fact, ‘the odd (wo)man out.’ The others had each stated a position in support of the request. I knew how I wanted to feel, I just didn’t feel that way. I had avoided stating my position, but my body was telling me what I needed to do. I wanted to honor my truth, as difficult as it was to be in opposition.

My choice had nothing to do with them. It does not change the love and support I feel for the person making the request. I had begun coloring outside the lines of pleasing others, or trying to fit in.

I’m guessing my old pattern of not risking who I really am with family has had a huge impact on how I relate to the world, and where I come short of being all I can be.

This situation pushed me against myself. What would it be like if I chose to lean into the discomfort of my fears?

When I sent my response, I knew that I might face judgment and possible rejection. I no sooner pushed the send button, than I found myself wanting to change the words that represented my disagreement.

I also know it is possible that everyone else could be much more accepting than I imagine, and possibly more accepting than I sometimes have been of myself. This felt really big. Yet I’m taking a step toward being willing to stand in my truth, and to grow through it all – whatever that means.

Thank goodness for the Avatar materials that helped me get totally rid of the feeling fear of rejection, and fear of being judged. No more just hoping that those fears will lessen their hold as time goes by.

So what about you? What old patterns get in the way of you empowering yourself?

Are you ready to let go of them?

If not, decide to accept that you’re not quite ready to let go of some difficult patterns. Just start paying attention to how not changing them feels in your body, and ask yourself what must happen in order for you to let them go. Notice how they are affecting the rest of your life. What is the cost of not letting go of the pattern(s)?

I am very grateful for the support of the Avatar Materials and one Avatar Master in particular and family member (my brother!) who have been tremendous help in mirroring back to me my experience without judgment, being supportive and nurturing, and helping me clarify my own next decisions. The process of letting go was not comfortable at all, yet the discomfort I felt pushing through the boundaries has given me a HUGE space from which I can now create a better, clearer and more honest relationship with my family. A better future is well worth 5 minutes of effort, I think. I'm laughing as I write this too now.

Every moment, you have an opportunity to be true to yourself. Just notice what you are choosing, choose your thoughts, choose your attitudes and choose being You!

Love and blessings!

Sile

PS The Next ReSurfacing Weekend Course is this weekend 30 and 31st October. Join me if you want to clear away patterns that no longer serve you. During these two days, you learn 30 amazing exercises that will change how you operate and attract in the world.... if you choose to use the tools! Let me know if you'd like to come, I can't wait to show you the awesome exercises!!

PPS If you're not quite yet sure and yet something within you is guiding you in this direction, you can dip your toe in first... I'm organising an open house tomorrow for anyone who wants to try out an exercise or two to see if this is right for them. You have nothing to lose except stuff that doesn't serve you!